disutility function

When you found the bracelet after looking for it after remembering it after forgetting it did you think for a brief moment about your own daughter in high school writing abt her mom’s charm bracelet?

just wondering,
Diary

Once, a few years ago, while riding ’shotgun’ in my mom’s SUV she referred to Jennifer Lopez as “J-Lo”. I can’t remember exactly how that made me feel about my place in the world anyore, but I did laugh pretty hard.

it made me feel wierd,
Diary

p.s. Another time, even longer ago, my mom told me a story abt some young kid ‘giving her the finger’ that afternoon while she was out driving - except that she said ‘he fingered me.’

Back in middle school, Dan & I were riding our bikes on the sidewalk along Orchard Lake Road, where we grew up. We were probably going to CD Warehouse (which closed a few years later because Harmony House opened up a few miles away; and now the Harmony House has been torn down for a Best Buy) but on the way a silver, old-man car pulled out from somewhere and blocked the sidewalk and I ran right into the front passenger side door. Dan said my rear tire flew up real high and he thought I was going to flip over the old man’s silver, old-man car.

but I didn’t,
Diary

We all saw you in the newspaper today and were so pleased to find that it had nothing to do with being trapped under anything for any number of days; also, we heard you scream but that was for joy.

at least thats what we hoped,
Diary

One time my girlfriend was helping me clean up my basement after it had flooded real bad and I straightened up from having been leaning over to clean up some poop or something and I hit my head on the pointed bottom of a green, metal hanging lamp that I’ve owned for a long long time and my head hurt super bad.

Thats not the last time that the basement’s been flooded, nor the last time I hit my head on the lamp, nor the last time my head hurt super bad.

but I dont think shes my girlfriend anymore,
Diary

At least now we’ve got business casual.

is that a fair trade?,
Diary

I think the reason I dont believe in a loving god is because Innis is dead.

pretty angry abt that,
Diary

thats pretty funny.

wish I’d'a been there,
Diary

My dad always gets a big box of Whoppers for Father’s Day, Christmas, and his birthday. Usually my mom buys them, but I did once - or twice, maybe.

we like to call them Whompers,
Diary

If there’s any insight I’ve gained from my current employment, its this:
its ok to pee anywhere as long as no one’s looking.

Instead, though, I chose, this time, to use a port-a-potty in the parking lot near where I do my laundry. I knew that was the right choice because when I opened the door to leave I saw a small cat off in the shadows by the laundromat.

He meowed to me for a while because I was meowing and making those clicking/kissing noises people are forced to make to cats because no one ever takes the time to teach them basic commands. I had bet that he was as hungry as I was thirsty, so I went inside to get us a snack, but when I came back outside he was gone. I guessed that I would have to have my Mountain Dew and strawberry Pop-Tarts alone.

I ate one Pop-Tart and left the other scattered in the shadows for him. I drank the Mountain Dew myself.

promise I didn’t litter,
Diary

The benches in Memorial Park dont have any dividers so even normal-sized people can stretch out on them and look at the moon.

sigh,
Diary

Its late now and I just rode past 6 or 7 kids sitting in the darkened turn-around of some Pleasant Ridge neighborhood boulevard. When I got close enough, we all yelled out one-liners to each other, but we chose not to take turns, so the only one I heard was mine.

and it wasnt very funny,
Diary

we miss you. please write back soon.

your friends,
The Diaries