disutility function

where the bonanza is beautifully balanced ive broken backs or promises & occasionally held a grudge its greivances & geriatrics my ancestors will forever forget my name i leave rhyming dictionaries in place of bibles like that hotel somewhere in mississippi like the broken phone in the visitors center like its raining in panama city like that girl at the McDonalds drivethru like every single time i can remember trying to use a pay phone like are we m-i-s-s-i-s-s-i-s-s-i-n-g from history like how many times can i say the same thing before everyone i mean anyone starts listening

ive left so many at the alter i think theyre beginning to form a club for courteous curators of ruined lost love & recklessness remember how you spoke to each other remember how it felt we’re fearful that the end is near & even more that it never will the destruction we cause is proportional to how many showers we take but you can wash it all away with a night of staying up too late after its all over the only thing too much is on my kitchen table but i dont have a kitchen table so why is it still here i can hear heaven outside my window i can hold hope with honest abandon

i remember bar mitzfahs & drinking from bottlecaps i remember yr name on my class notes & i know i dont have the attention span for rap songs bc i also remember a saturday afternoon to chicago i think i saw the sunrise this morning mumbling idle monotony between kisses goodbye but i also think theres more to memories than thanking them for always fading we’re often saying theres nothing for us but arrogance & eventual truths even when i wrote it all out on a post-it i couldnt keep from wondering who

-> the scribbling

this is a little rambly thing i wrote a long ways back. i cant really tell where it stands in time mostly because there are so many chronological juxtapositions, but i think its a bit a year old …

im not particularly impressed by the flow of the language overall but there are a number of lines that i like as they stand on their own.