disutility function

where weightless wondering or blundering blushing brings tears or pinched lip smiles while searching for bathing suits or card key passes i forget abt drinking i keep repeating everything until nothing or nothings left to sink in i write source code on train cars fill my pockets with portable derailers pulling dirt from unknown corners or shadowless windy afternoons

nothing sinks in like a sunrise or interrupts like diner food what was i dreaming this morning how many of us hit snooze again or i worship dainty fingers almost as much as everything abt you two sips of coke & a fluffy pillow know more than i ever could when its roll call or ringing phones open windows & unshaved legs i guess i cant help pony tails & unforgiving out of town restaurant bills or what abt that sign at the door step or which newspaper stand needs to be filled not screaming at the top of yr lungs not phased by a sunset & neon signs not a jukebox on autopilot not the waitress refilling ketchup bottles im only washing up after myself & order dessert when theres reason to stick around but tonight its gotten so dark & the corn stalks are creeping so high or this swing wont go high enough so much empty space in this room & yet the couch is just too small smelling kerosene for years in every finished basement or waterbed jumping timelines & burned bridges im always indiana jones to yr audrey hepburn im only washing up after myself bc even you dont know when youll be back tonight

this is again silence to the sunset & which direction will i drive home tonight towards potted plants & cornered tv sets settling softly for trick shots with too much english indoor pools & wandering maid service or yelling momma down empty halls

the cheesiest line i ever wrote is going to be this one: its so easy to miss someone and so often so hard to find them.

-> the scribbling

i remember writing this one night in Saginaw, MI in a hotel restaurant while i was away for work. its a couple years old, maybe 2004 or so.

the restaurant was empty but for the few waitresses and cooks hanging around and i think buffy or something was on the tv in the room.
i dont recall what i ate, but i do remember the waitress quite obviously hitting on me, and more than anything i think it made me sad in one of those ways that hotel restaurants always make me sad

a little while later i recorded this as a vocal part for a MaybeRain track, and i really like how the whole thing came out, not to toot my own horn or anything