disutility function

i’ve set myself up for this;
an unyielding summer breeze
& some breathless
sensual self-test.

who were we to judge?
this new stamina disaster
or we’re too forgiving,
forging a namesake.

(there’s a certain round corner to all of this,
or am i getting my shapes confused again?
my lipstick & memory are all that remain.)

in silence you’ll doubt me
& i will loudly prove you
right.

once we set the gears in position ’twas but a test of faith to start all things in motion, passing forth into the void as we had always feared was inevitable.

check-mark next to the name; cross whatever it is off the list of everythings forever.

i’m a quatrain not yet formed on the lips of your mother’s misplaced forgiveness. full of riddles with no response and a siamese evil twin you can’t quite shake off, let’s scream into our dixie-cup telephones likes saints and strangers once more.

how many empty glasses carry yr name; crumpled napkins, our story. alas, the dot dot dot futures teeter forward and back . . .
; count the passing holidays on our unclasped hands

lets sport a spread eagle steam shovel
and call it lost innocence. tim eto run fro m

the hills we buried ourselves under

ye.s i’d rather let my toes wiggle
and poke out dark covers stop period/.
this isn’t another blankety blank blank(et)
ive (un)made my bed of breath-taking;

and misforgo tt en Me rr iment.Kan’t the
spellbound spent desire set our letdown grief afire?
or, who’s the name-calling naturalist this time around?

whitewash all things
with a splintered rhyme scheme

the sun in my eyes nearly eclipsed by winos and derelicts
drying the sweat on my back .hands warming calm
shaking off the gone rushing air and this letter burns
three six tw[o]o

im my favorite basement stashed wishbone warrior narrative
speaking in tongues and written words
we scream ourselves to death, in nautical terms
and always puke over the wrong side of the boat

we’ve got abt seventeen wishes we’d like to have filled

(begin again:)
drumming up rooftops
strangled shorthand messages and malice
seemingly softmore: these parking meter metrics
yr a big apple afterthought
im my laundry long list of melodies and mistakes
can’t you stand motionless? magic 8-ball & all.

speaking of lipgloss & stereotypes, this
horrorshow of habits & halos aint quite so quiet
so lets wheel out the old scapegoat & a fresh coat of paint

faint forever feigned the same

< i,ve found its important to note' that is' once inherent interest has
faltered' that the only true/
well' actually no' i told her... . this isn,t quite the need we had planned'
nor is it any sort of implied hope or flamboyant rope tying she,d expected/
i lied.
but speaking of fortune telling' have we forgotten the countless notes passed
between cookie crumbles and salad rolls? it,s not me it,s/
and let,s not forget why we/
and occasionally' i must fail to admit' this isn,t all the reality to hand over;
i,m floating along that old salty river flowing all directions at once
/skipping stones and/

why,s my neck so broken. you said/ >

this favorite frost-bitten phenomenon. im that forthcoming faker.
you know what i mean!
come forth into favorite faith. this suicide
and social source, we believe in each other!!

im a love never known, yr that beautiful smiling face lost beneath dreams
and derelict dormant floor drainS!!

c’mon.
we know the fact
s.

this
is a fairly decent proposal
or my lazy laryngitis elastic bandwidth. what?
share that bridge never crossed.
the time is NOW!

oh, but for the years we lost,
is this that wretched half-mile marathon again?

i’m yr favorite frost-bite father figure
in
forgotten phone bill caustic costumes.
virtue?

damn the skyline and scalp all traffic lights,
we flash the badge of dreamers,
fluff a pillow
and leave the truth on sworn and scoreless doorstep(s).

this night is a broken mirror.

these words: a magical enunciated
            phantasy.
i don’t quite fear the future (yet), and yet,
      i will keep my pure and given-gift
            hope locked up, if only to keep it safe.

all else: i offer daring and direct. to you.
but let me keep my hope to myself.

let’s share another, and slightly different, hope
      between us (as we(had) always tried). this one made of
            overpasses and measurable mileage, yay?

all this timing and lease sign[ing].

and let’s both cozy-up to teddy bears this newyear.
for now; foreverz my favorite

      place to be.

breaking the plain of another nation’s notepad
skipped a phone call & buried meaning in a miracle
im a squeaky cat & hairball,
im a turn signal that never resets
going left going left
going left
going left
seen the seething of a trunk
& wrote a drunken bad luck lyric for the wishful last spirits,
have you seen us?
we leave our business lights on
and forget keycards on the counter

we half expect saving; but feel fully betrayed
beware satellite dreams and rocky mountain roster mountings,
this derelict daring domino theory stands alone
& aint lonely for nothin’
lets get full on bologna and stomach churning,
chastising stormfronts for bluffing us.
mine is a streetlight gone haywire:
check yr engine
for fueling the fire and
goddammit all when no one’s inspired.

watchful eyes and serial hotel spines
the broken parking meters
and oh the shiny drunken streets
thumbnail text, shaking plastic
LED period

the city’s less intimidating from above
shouldve done it
this way all along (hm?)
moving walkway warnings,
geometry and airvents we
once called it freedom i
think but we’d been
wrong before

tonights all but a shell
empty trains and cold streets
echoing caves and gusts of
nothing i almost feel strong
here tonight.

fuck the traveling and fuck
the wildberries
why bother sitting

i am the zero integer
i am the sky through seated
windows
this rationale and rolled suitcases,
blame me! forever
forever ything i am
a hunchback and i eat
hilarious lifelike forced habits
we are all the erotic utopia
and cleansed clarity mistaking
itself for bare legs and too
much backbone.

im drunk on horror and nothingness. shimmering lights
and univers(al)ity constants. lets help ourshelves to
ourselves, never seldom

 
[ … missing(./?) … ]
 

stacks of ink and handcart
dreams always draining
this deferred, this daring damned!
and catered to my mistakes
whats all this abt
valence and tiny arrows??
my baby bottom graybeard
is stinging rug burns
over sized up carpal tunnel
syndromes like turn yr
lights on! we need to
[ … section removed … ]

this end.
scribblings & no_sense
i used the quarters
for laundry & threw
pieces of tape in the trash

this time the night tried to save itself
but it failed. and i watched
two subarus kill themselves
soiled napkins and barstools
became our notepads
then signposts and suburbs:
some coordinated conquerors? wear
havoc like a necktie
a narrative. our prerogative.
shine like a softmore, sell your

hate filled fakes and rhyme melodies
with mistakes and pacific
north gates. wait!

patent false and paisley praise

one in a million. choices.
sewer fog rising obscures
dumpsters and parking meters
scene: the same seen
set in forward, my one
eternal memory. choice.
or a trolley car missing or run
off track and timing must
be everything or else its
nothing and nothing is nothing
and if i were the right
doctor i’d have more ________.

a work in progress; many stops do not follow

. crease ina forehead.conjuring image with words.organs of space between tiles
 . draining dimensions of smoke lost to the elevation ,what careful kind of   
     patterns have we etched airborne in burnt or’nge anonymity.

youngwhippersnapper fashionably fastened _im trapped in the digital
age made magical by hearing aids and casually backpacking burglary
through emptying_spawned_menacing and lopped-off pawn shops moving
-full.stop-on up, pops.

scrounging computer parts and rummaging through riddle worth bridge work